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10:47 am: So, I've decided what my scheme will be when I finally take the step to become a mad scientist. You are aware of pandas. They're not in a good way. One suggested reason is their metabolism isn't properly adapted to their diet yet (they have carnivorous ancestors only a few million years ago).

So, anyway, my mad scientist plan is to use genetic engineering to restore whatever genes were knocked out in pandas, creating a new race of GM carnivorous pandas. I would then ship them to zoos all over the world where they would frighten small children.

I still haven't decided on what phase 2 is, but I am certain it involves a panda rampage.

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Comments

From:thatmakesmemad
Date:December 18th, 2010 02:43 pm (UTC)
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Phase 2 deal with their woeful reproductive capacity. Add genes from a species capable of rapid breeding. You will choose chavs as a readily available local source. The consequences will be well beyond your most optimistic expectations. You will relocate your base to the office areas beneath the reading room at the British Museum (ref Possession -AS Byatt) to wait out the carnage (fear of institutions of culture was an unexpected side effect of the genetic splicing). Alternatively a Mississippi steamer on the Thames (ref http://www.steamboatbordello.com/ )
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From:simplypeachy
Date:December 18th, 2010 08:59 pm (UTC)
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Alternativelyatively a Mississippi steamer up the Pachitea River. That'll make it properly mad.
From:thatmakesmemad
Date:December 18th, 2010 10:13 pm (UTC)
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Trapped on a boat with Kinski and Herzog who didn't point a gun at Kinski if he didn't act. Yes he threatened to shoot Kinski but the gun stayed in his pocket. Yes it was loaded but it stayed in his pocket he never pointed it at Kinski. Yes if Kinski hadn't acted he would have shot him put he never pointed the gun at him. :D
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From:simplypeachy
Date:December 18th, 2010 10:36 pm (UTC)
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Locked in the bathroom, Kinski flew into a rage lasting for 48 hours, during which he destroyed everything inside the bathroom to the effect that the remains could be passed through a tennis racket.

Let's not even start on dwarfs. I heard even they started out small.
From:thatmakesmemad
Date:December 18th, 2010 10:50 pm (UTC)
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I've read Kinskis autobiography. At least one act of sexual intercourse per page , quite possibly with a dwarf, most definitely with a giantess at least once.
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From:simplypeachy
Date:December 18th, 2010 10:58 pm (UTC)
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Which explains why Cobra Verde was so convincing.

Other than the fact he's a raging nutcase.
From:thatmakesmemad
Date:December 19th, 2010 12:33 pm (UTC)
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No Pandas though
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From:simplypeachy
Date:December 19th, 2010 01:14 pm (UTC)
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Which explains why he ultimately failed to conquer the universe.

We ought to stop hijacking this poor entry. I should have never bought Herzog into this. I'd apologise but I regret nothiiiiiiiing!
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From:khalinche
Date:December 18th, 2010 03:12 pm (UTC)
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I have a very interesting t-shirt featuring pandas. I will show it to you later. *smiles ominously*
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From:abigailb
Date:December 18th, 2010 07:06 pm (UTC)
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Oh?

Also: welcome back!
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From:khalinche
Date:December 18th, 2010 09:19 pm (UTC)
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Thanks!

I am going away again on Monday :( but I will be back on the 26th.
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From:abigailb
Date:December 18th, 2010 09:21 pm (UTC)
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I'm going to be away from the 23th to the 28th. Will be at the Pembury tomorrow evening, if you're around?
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From:khalinche
Date:December 18th, 2010 09:53 pm (UTC)
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It's possible.
(no subject) - (Anonymous)
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From:abigailb
Date:December 18th, 2010 07:09 pm (UTC)
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Clearly.
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From:simplypeachy
Date:December 18th, 2010 08:55 pm (UTC)

Bamboocalyptus Beasts

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Phase 2 should probably involve crossing them with koalas. The instinctive urge to overthrow the universe present in all koalas will make the pandas more willing to do your bidding. They won't know why your orders are so compelling but won't care.

Also please be aware that by phase three you're expected to have your evil cackle and crazy hair ready, if not already in general use.

Phase IV will require ants.
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From:abigailb
Date:December 18th, 2010 09:19 pm (UTC)

Re: Bamboocalyptus Beasts

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But how can I best avoid the koalas overthrowing me after I have finalised my despotic rule over all of creation?

I already have the evil laugh perfected, even if I do say so myself.
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From:simplypeachy
Date:December 18th, 2010 09:23 pm (UTC)

Re: Bamboocalyptus Beasts

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Oh you just have to be careful; make sure you don't use the koala genes that give them their strong will and wise ideas. I'll check the Haynes Manual when it turns up, I'm pretty sure it has a section on Safe Handling of Koalas in a Laboratory Environment.
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From:abigailb
Date:December 18th, 2010 09:28 pm (UTC)

Re: Bamboocalyptus Beasts

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Thanks. I've been trying to get hold of a copy of that myself, but it's been surprisingly hard to track down.

ps Do you know plett?
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From:simplypeachy
Date:December 18th, 2010 09:30 pm (UTC)

Re: Bamboocalyptus Beasts

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I know a plett from IRC (#A&A, I'm _aD) but not on LiveJournal.
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From:abigailb
Date:December 18th, 2010 09:33 pm (UTC)

Re: Bamboocalyptus Beasts

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That's the one. He overlapped me at Soton and is also an admin of the mud mentioned in the December 8th entry, see. Small world.
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From:simplypeachy
Date:December 18th, 2010 10:00 pm (UTC)

Re: Bamboocalyptus Beasts

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Wow. He's probably helped me fix stuff before; he works at the best ISP in the country. They're big damn heroes.

I've had far too few Small World moments this year, maybe they're just late.
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From:abigailb
Date:December 18th, 2010 10:01 pm (UTC)

Re: Bamboocalyptus Beasts

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(Yes, and they are my ISP too, of course.)
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From:pfy
Date:December 18th, 2010 10:44 pm (UTC)
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Train them to FIGHT CRIME. At present, it is deeply misleading that panda cars do not, in fact, contain pandas.
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